Playing House Before Getting Married

Martin Lawrence and the mother of his 2 children who he has lived with for many years, Shamicka Gibbs tied the knot over the weekend, so did Carmelo Anthony and Lala Vasquez after years of living together and having a child together. Congratulations to the happy couples!

This got me thinking about couples playing house before actually getting married. It’s the trend; so many people are doing it, but is it the best thing to do? I have a couple of friends who did it, and all say getting their boyfriends to marry them after moving in was like pulling teeth. They say they would not have moved in if they knew better at the time.

Men get comfortable really fast and as the saying goes, “If you can get the milk for free, why buy the cow?....” Not that I’m saying women are cows, but you get the gist. In Beyonce’s words, “If you like it, then should have put a ring on it.” Though she didn’t specify a wedding or an engagement ring, a ring signifies commitment, which is what most women want, sadly these days most people want commitment free or freelance relationships. This mentality is not the best, especially in relationships where kids are involved. This is because they require commitment from the two people that came together to have them.


Some of my friends had to move out and get their own place to show their boyfriend they were serious about not continuing to live together without getting married. Some ended up getting married and some went their separate ways. Either way, from what I was told, all parties were somewhat traumatized by the experience, whether they eventually got married or not.

For couples that do get married, the problem they encounter is that the expectations and rules of engagement change. Whether it is the man thinking, “You are my wife now, so you should assume the role of my definition of a wife,” or the woman wanting the man to assume the role that fits her definition of a husband. Either way, both parties are no longer the freelance roommates and bed buddies without a binding contract or commitment that were on their best behavior, because they knew either party could leave at will like they were before. This causes some people to become claustrophobic and the friction begins.

In a “perfect world,” it is love and marriage, then the baby carriage; unfortunately that’s not many people’s reality anymore. Either way I don’t judge, that's God's job. I say to each his own, but we all deal with the consequences of our actions, because everything is permissible but not everything is good….