I was watching the TV show, Home Delivery earlier today which featured 22 year old Robert and 23 year old Takeira. They are a couple who have 2 kids together and Takeira is 6 months pregnant with their third child. When she told him she was pregnant, he left, saying he had never had the chance to be young and have fun. For example, she said he’s been partying and sleeping with other people. He’s out, having fun while his children are asking mommy where he is. Talk about being selfish. Takeira’s mother wrote Home Delivery for help and as always, they came to the rescue.
The show did what they could by giving Takeira a day of pampering at the spa, Steve Lyons decorating the baby’s nursery with donations like furniture from Baby and Company, 3mths worth of diapers from Luvs, and Clorox disinfecting wipes. One of the hosts of the show said, “These are two people that belong together and I think they know it.” It was like the show has fixed the situation. NOT!
As much as I appreciate the nice things the show did for the couple, to me, it appears the show just put Band Aid on a wound that requires many major surgery. When you just put Band Aid on a major problem, it is bound to reappear. However next time, it will be much bigger because the unaddressed issue has lasted longer and had the chance to fester.
This guy was the same man he was when she first met him, when they had no kids together. He was the same man when they had the first, second and now the third upcoming child. He is who he is. This is not about whether he’s bad or good. His mind is just not ready for the life his actions have created. Fortunately for him, he’s a man so he can walk away at any time. Unfortunately for her, she’s the woman and the mother, so whether she likes it or not, whether she is ready for the responsibility or not, or whether she still wants to have fun or not, she’s saddled with the responsibility of being responsible for the children and raising them.
What she should have received was the next available appointment at the local Planned Parenthood office to receive some very potent birth control pills or devices. Just because some people have mature reproductive organs doesn’t mean they have a mind that’s responsible enough to manage them effectively and/or deal with the consequences of using them.
Three kids at 23 years old is too much for two young people with an unstable future. I believe Robert was telling the truth when he said he wants to have fun. Although, during the show, after being talked to by the show host’s and I guess his own conscious was judging him, he said he wants to come back to his family. I think he’s just doing the “responsible” thing, not what he wants to do deep down inside. If he stays, which may be only temporary, he will have serious resentment in him. He’ll feel he was trapped into the life. He really needs to be let loose to have fun and get it out of his system. Bottom line is, he’s young, so he thinks and acts young.
An average 22 year old urban African American male in the USA of today is not ready to settle down. Yes, he’s ready to have sex, any day any time, but settling down is not part of that equation in his mind. Even if he means well, marries and theorizes that he wants to be a “good husband”, the reality is that most of them, thanks to lack of good role models, not growing up in stable two parent family homes, not focusing on receiving a good education, lacking good careers and jobs and being brainwashed by the influence of the negative media like music and movies that demean and objectify women, they can’t do it well even if they try even really hard and have the best intentions. Like my neighbor said, “These young black guys out there today are just not made to be men anymore.
Even though the TV show brought them back “together,” they both are not psychologically in the same place. He will most likely continue to “party”, but going forward, he’ll just be slicker about how he does it. I say that because they didn’t go through any counseling sessions where his and her needs where shared and a plan created to meet both sets of needs while still being a family.
They are patching things up for now, but I’d hate to see them eventually split down the line after the 5th child which though I hope not, will most likely be the case and unfortunately the children who asked for no part of this will be the ones that will suffer the most.
A word is enough for the wise……
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