A Case Of He Said, She Said......

He Said...She Said

Viewpoints From Both Sides Of The Gender Divide

I was recently privy to a private conversation between a Caucasian man and his class mate who is a Latina woman. Ok, I was actually eaves dropping into their conversation at a school's lounge area, but it is the issue I want to address that is important. As the spoke, from my experience I knew what was coming even before he finally said it. This guy was in a bad relationship with a lady he is incompatible with. As usual, what is keeping him in the relationship is the lady’s beauty and the good sex they are having. Like the Bad Boy of Radio, Michael Baisden said, some men and boys are just" looking for a place to put it." Their discussion made yet another case for not having premarital sex. Below are excerpts.......

He Said: I am a working student in my 30s being stressed out by my girlfriend, a young smoking hot spoilt brat who lives at home with her parents. We've have been dating for 7 months and it's not working out. She constantly complains that I have no time for her, when she should be my highest priority. She’s selfish and immature, but she’s hot. She’s really good looking and the physical part of the relationship is really good. Get this; she says I don’t put her first. She doesn’t understand that my priorities are work, school and then maybe her.

She Said: So she’s your third priority, but she wants to be the first. That’s not going to happen with this class we are taking. It's too intense and we are all barely hanging on.

He Said: I know that, but she doesn’t understand that. I don’t even have time for myself. She’s just crazy.

They both laugh

He Said: I love her family. They are the nicest people. I love her dad; he's a really great guy. Her sister is awesome too. And her mother is so nice. She's such an excellent cook, but unfortunately, she didn't teach her daughter to cook. She's just a spoilt little rich girl, your average princess.

She Said: All that doesn't matter because you won't live with them.

He Said: She’s so lazy. Do you know she never drives to my place. She says she can't drive anywhere over 30 minutes, and where I live is 45 minutes away, so each time I want to see her, I have to drive to her house, pick her up and take her back.

She Said: Doing that all the time must be hard for you. When do you even have the time for that with your schedule?

He Said: I know, right. That's why I only pick her up on Fridays and take her back on Sundays, so I can get what I want from her.

She Said: What do you want from her?

He Said: I already told you, the physical...

She Said: Does she know that's all you want her for?

He Said: No, but what else do I need her for? She doesn't do anything. When she's over at my place, either I cook or we go out to eat, because she can't cook.

She Said: She can’t cook at all?

He Said: You know what? I take that back. She made an English muffin once and even that wasn’t good.

She Said: Eating out all the time's fine if you can afford it.

He Said: It's not about if I can afford it, when I should be saving money.

She Said: Then I guess it's not working. How long have you been dating?

He Said: It's been seven months.

She Said: So do you want to marry her?

He Said: Of course not. If not for the physical relationship, I wouldn't be there. It doesn't take that long for a man to figure out if he wants to marry a woman or not.

She Said: Does she know that?

He Said: What she knows doesn’t matter. I can’t be with someone like that for a long time. Get this, if I don’t have my family around, I can survive and provide for myself like I'm doing right now. She can’t do that. She’s always been provided for. She's a big daddy's little girl.

She Said: So you're getting daddy's little girl as a future wife?

Guy: No, I'm not. She just doesn't know that yet.....

Words of Wisdom:

The moral of the story is that not everything that is visually appealing is good for us. Just like a beautiful piece of cake often looks better than a nutritious meal, but when both get inside us the meal has much better nutrients to nourish our bodies than a slice of cake does. However, we can get away with eating the cake, but in small quantities though we shouldn't make a meal out of it.

The girlfriend is an indulged high maintenance beauty queen who should be dating a rich man who can cater to her needs and whims, not some struggling guy attending a community college in what appears to be his 30s.

This blue collar guy has no business with someone like her, but to him she is a trophy, a girl that's way out of his league, which makes her all the more desirable.

Whether they break up or hang in there together, they are from two totally different backgrounds with different sets of expectations. All they will succeed in doing is frustrating each other with their unfulfilled expectations.

Good relationships and good marriages are like marathons. They are long term and have little to do with looks. When you are running a marathon, you don't run in your best looking shoes. For that purpose, your high, pointy heeled and glittery Jimmy Choos and Manolo Blahniks won't do. Though they also have their beauty, which isn't comparable to the aforementioned shoes, Nike, Easy spirit and other comfortable running shoes with wide bases that secure your feet and even massage them and support your whole body as you run are best.

When running you don't want to think about your shoes or even if you do, you want to think about how you don't have to worry about them, becuase they are not causing you discomfort. You just want them to be there and serving their purpose. Anything that causes you discomfort will cause you to think and drain your time and energy.

Honestly, in the marathon of life, if your mate doesn't fit in and assume a complementary role to yours to where you have a symbiotic relationship, and you constantly have to think and remind yourself of why you are with this person, then that person is not the one for you.

When you're with someone, you'll quickly see that character is what matters. A beautiful face and a “hot bod” with a bad character is like a beautifully wrapped empty box you are given as a gift. Your eyes pop out with admiration when you are given the "gift", everyone around you watching envies you, you hungrily tear at the ribbons, the wrapping paper, the box and the tissue only to find it empty. Overwhelming disappointment is imminent. What a let down! You have no choice other than to toss it into the trash and move on.

This is an oversimplified analogy. In real life, it's usually really messy and can get pretty nasty. All the unwrapping and hungrily tearing at someone else’s body with no commitment is using them. It's hard to leave a good "bed buddy" because sex is designed as a spiritual glue to hold couples together, however, after a while that alone won't do the trick. So at the end of the day, you have a woman who looks good on the outside, but feels damaged on the inside. I know some may ask why I said the woman feels used. I said so because for most men, they don't view sex with the emotion women view it. For normal or "undamaged" women, sex is a physical act to fulfill an emotional need, while for men sex is a physical act to fulfill a physical need. I stated "undamaged" because once a woman is damaged, her original design is destroyed and all bets are off. Like they say about how hard it is to reform sex workers, "Once she's out, she's out.....'

Going back to the participants of the discussion, I looked at both of them as they ate their snacks and drank their sodas, and I thought to myself, if only the man could see that the woman sitting right in front of him that he is talking to would make him a much better partner that the spoilt pretty young thing he's running after, he would be much better off. Though she probably isn't as beautiful or polished as his current girlfriend, they are cut out of the same blue collar cloth, working hard on getting their education later in life at a community college. However, that's too much like right, and we human beings don't like simple equations like that. We'd much rather have stress, strife and confusion.

Just to reiterate, just as you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, never base your marriage partner on looks only. A word is enough for the wise……