A Decision Not To Make A Decision

Wedding season is in full swing. I have attended three weddings already and although I enjoy all the festivities, I can't help but think that the smiles and laughter shared at the occasion will turn to frowns and quarrels soon. I'm not a spoil sport or Debbie Downer; however the 50% divorce rate is very real.

A lady who recently got divorced said most of the people who teach pre-marital classes aren't qualified to do so because they don't tell you what marriage is really like. She said it is often like the blind leading the blind when you have people who haven’t had at least 20 years of marital experience teaching the class because of the many scenarios and phases that occur during married life. Maybe she has huge and unrealistic expectations, but she might also have a point.

I was also privy to a conversation where two women were discussing marriage. One said she was depressed after her wedding, because she was so happy and riding high preparing for her wedding and marriage. She felt wonderful when she was princess for a day on her wedding day, however, once they got back from the honey moon she realized that there was no getting away from her husband and she felt suffocated. Then when the bills and regular grind of life added to the mix, she felt really depressed.

I don’t know what the problem is. Is it that people are being prepared for the reality of married life? Are we so misled by movies that we don't know that marriage is hard work and requires patience and commitment. If care isn't taken, soon things begin to change. The handwriting on the wall begins to form and people begin to do things they never thought they would, like emotionally abandoning the relationship and cheating.

So what does one do if one begins to see the writing on the wall or if one actually catches one’s spouse cheating? Should one begin breaking things, cause a scene and/or leave? Whether those responses are justified is debatable, but I would advise that one more response be added which is that one should make a decision not to make a decision, so one has time to think things through, so that when a decision is finally made, it is the right one.

A word is enough for the wise...