Knowing Who You Marry

Princess Catherine
The Duchess of Cambridge
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Princess Catherine, the new wife of Prince William hasn’t had a misstep since she officially became part of the British Royal Family, quite unlike her late mother in law, Princess Diana or Prince Andrew's ex, Sarah Ferguson. As a matter of fact, she is putting a positive spotlight on the House of Windsor. This couture and budget item wearing frugal fashionista doesn’t borrow from designers, pays for everything she wears herself and has been seen wearing Zarah clothes and repeating dresses. She is very mindful of the recession and isn’t wasteful. She even did her own make-up at her wedding and her and William asked for donations to charities instead of gifts. Talk about a sensible girl who has her head on straight. 

However, to be fair, at 29 years old, Kate has had many years to become acclimated to the duties and requirements of the "Princess" role, which is a good lesson people who are considering getting married need to learn. Princess Diana barely knew Prince Charles. Sarah Ferguson only physically met Prince Andrew seven times before they got married. Although marrying a practical stranger sounds so romantic, that should be saved for fairy tale movies and books. In reality, one should marry someone they know after they have had the opportunity  interacted with over time in different environments and scenarios. That’s the only way you’ll get to really know them.

I’m in no way saying only the British Royal Family members make this mistake. Many people including immigrants do it a lot. Many immigrants living in the West visit their home countries to select a spouse, who is ultimately a stranger viewing them as their passport to the ever desirable West. Often all logical reasoning is abandoned. They think nothing of the person’s personality, dreams and passions. They only think about the role they want to stick the person into, even if the person has other plans for their lives. For example, many Nigerian men living in the US visit Nigeria to find a wife they can bring to the US to become their wife, mother of their children and a nurse, which is the most popular and accessible high paying job for immigrant women. They don't find out if the woman wants to have kids, cook and clean for them or has a caring or nurturing bone in her body to make a good nurse. They just plunge ahead, hoping for the best.

Some may say things can’t be that bad in immigrant communities because they don’t have high divorce rates. I say things are just as bad, but the reason for the low divorce rates is that immigrants have high tolerance levels and often just hang in there without getting a divorce although many do separate and live separate lives.

That’s why I think it’s really important to invest the time to know and spend time with who you want to marry to see if you are compatible on as many levels as possible.

A word is enough is for the wise…