You Won't Use Me...

A Couple Quarrelling

It's known that minorities in the US often act like crabs; stepping on each other to get out of the "bushel" of their predicament and leaving someone or several people feeling used and very hurt. I used to wonder why instead of helping each other become successful, many times minorities often exploit each other. Till one day my cousin said, "Of course your fellow minorities will exploit you, because you are all they have access to. They can't go to the White House to exploit the people there."

His statement helped me put things in perspective. I vowed to help minorities as much as I can, while protecting myself from being exploited. However, too many of stories of intra-minority exploitation abound, and today I will share one with you. While I was getting my car fixed recently, I met a man who is so upset with Nigerian girls in America that he has sworn off ever having anything to do with them ever again because as he said "they are so wicked."

Instead of the normal stereotypical statements of "African girls are to sexually restrained, all beautiful African girls are denied US visas, so they are all in London or Africa, or African girls in the US are too westernized, this guy had a different issue which isn't an unfamiliar story in immigrant communities. Here is his story.

He was working in Nigeria and had a decent life. However, like most Nigerians he wanted to partake of the all too glorified “American dream”. While waiting for the dream to materialize, an opportunity came for him to attend a post graduate educational program in South Africa. Still not abandoning his American dream, he left Nigeria and headed to South Africa and began the program. Midway into his program in South Africa, he finally found an opportunity to come to the US.

He quickly abandoned his program, came to the US and landed in Texas, only to face the harsh realities of being a new immigrant. Feeling so misinformed by the glorious depictions of life in America and the advisers who told him to come to the US, he swallowed his pride and set out to do whatever it takes to slowly but surely become successful.

To address his legal right to stay in the US and ultimately become a citizen, he sought the assistance of a lady to marry for that sole purpose as a business transaction. While he was about to start this transaction process, he met a lady he was truly attracted to at a party. Seeing the potential of having a real marriage instead of a fake one, he abandoned the earlier planned marriage for papers business he was considering for his new real love.

He and his love interest, a lady who is based in Maryland, began a whirlwind long distant love affair. Soon he proposed marriage, they discussed it and he moved to Maryland to be with her. That's when both parties decided they wouldn't let anyone get over on them and exploit them as they have seen so many minorities do.

The man who was living with the lady said, they should get married right away, so he can begin sorting his green card and citizenship issue out, but he doesn't want kids for now till he becomes more established. The lady fearing she will be used and dumped by the guy said she won't assist him with his papers until after she gets pregnant and has a child for him, which in her mind is securing her position in his life the way no marriage certificate can.

The man seeing things didn't go the way he had envisioned and upset that he abandoned a great opportunity in Texas immediately moved out. The girl seeing that he moved out because she verbalized that she wanted to be the mother of his child before being his citizenship sponsor said she knew he was only trying to use her all along and probably had a partner in Nigeria.

As the man shared his story, I felt sorry for him because the lady attempted to usher him into fatherhood before he felt was ready. I believe people should become parents when they are financially and emotionally ready, so he has a point. However, the girl also has every reason to fear being used for citizenship and subsequently being dumped, since that is a regular occurrence in minority communities in America.

I sincerely hope they sort out their differences at some point and get back together since it appears both their intentions were good, it’s just that they both fear being used.