Producer Swiss Beatz (real name Kaseem Dean) and recording artist Alicia Keys recently got married. The beautiful Grecian inspired wedding was fitting for eclectic her style. It was held in Corsica, France probably to keep the paparazzi’s intrusive cameras away. This will be his second marriage and her first. Though I’m sure Swiss is really a great guy, I never would have thought in a million years that Alicia, who so many men would give anything to be with and whose giving and caring spirit I so admire, would end up in a marriage where there would be ex-wife/baby mama drama as there is with Swiss’s ex-wife, Mashonda Tifrere and even possibly step children drama as the two kids he has with Mashonda get older. But I’m consoled by the fact that, it is with Swiss that she found love and has decided to pitch her tent there, therefore congratulations are in order.
I remember my pastor counseling a single women’s group I was part of a while ago. He said that as much as it is within our power to avoid marrying men with children and baby mamas. He said he has to counsel so many couples whose marriages are on the rocks because the ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or even ex-sex buddy who has a child by him won’t let him have peace in his new relationship. Things like calling him in the middle of the night, when he’s in deep sleep and holding his new spouse tight to “come and get his child”, phone and in-person yelling matches and even physical altercations occur.
Even statiscally speaking, there are higher divorce and break-up rates among couples who have children with other partners. It’s hard enough trying to get along with your partner, but to have to add a baby mama or mamas and a step-child or step-children into the mix is something only the strongest women can handle. The same goes for men. A man would have a much tougher time staying in a relationship where he has to deal with his new partner’s baby daddy and children. It’s just too much work. Personally, I had a step sister growing up and it was an awful experience to say the least.
Not that I blame the women though. I would probably get really crazy if a man got me pregnant and moved on. I would be raving mad as a matter of fact. First of all, a woman has to go through nine months of pregnancy with all kinds of emotional and physical health issues, then she has to deliver the baby, which is the most painful thing and then she has to come home and raise the child all by herself while battling post partum depression, losing the baby weight and any other ailments that come her way. She probably also has to work to pay her bills to augment his child support payments if he’s so inclined to pay. And all for what? For the child to grow up and say, “I want my daddy” once she metes out some discipline the child doesn’t like. Life really can be unfair to single mothers.
But with so many people being recycled through relationships, baggage such as children and baby mamas and daddies are rampant. So what does one do? I really don’t know what to tell you, but it’s really scary out there. I really respect any adult I see who is single without children because I know the sacrifice they probably have made to not bring a child into the world without two parents in the home.
Pairing with or marrying a person who has an ex with a child or children is more often than not, like stepping into an episode of Mission Impossible where you are told, “Your mission, should you choose to accept it………………” and just like the great action/suspense score of the series, know that you have a lot in store as you have chosen to accept your mission impossible with everything that comes along with it.
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