Work & Parenting

 

Are you a working mother feeling guilty about working and leaving your kids with a competent care giver? Or do you think you should be working, but you feel stuck at home taking care of your kids, while your peers are climbing up the career ladder and leaving you behind? Either way, the life you choose to live either as a working or stay at home mother is ultimately your choice. Life isn’t one size fits all, and what works for one family might not work for another. However, knowing who you are and what will fulfill your needs is key.

Part of life is working, whether at a job or in the home raising your kids, or combining both where you work at home part-time, so it’s a really big decision to make. In addressing this issue, I would like to start with the American preposterous six weeks maternity leave, which is definitely not enough time for a woman’s body to get back to normal after the birth of a child and for a child to be left with a care giver shouldn’t be a model for anyone. However, after a woman’s mind and body are back to normal, the decision to stay at home or return to work is up to her. Considering that many homes are led by single women or women are the major bread winners, this isn’t even a choice many women especially minorities can make because they have to work to support their families.

However, for families where the man is the major breadwinner, the wife can make a choice to not work. So they should really consider their options. Many people in America endure the stress inducing rat race because of the money it provides, however, the price they pay is the high stress levels many families and especially the wife/mother endures. This is because they often try to have it all, while basic human needs are minimal. Having both parents working if they don’t have to or have substantial help to do, which is usually expensive is very stress inducing.

However, women or even men shouldn’t be made to stay at home with their child or children if they don’t want to because it is demoralizing, and if the parents are suffering the kids suffer as well. So, if both parents working makes the family happier, then that’s what they should do. However, if one parent staying at home with the children makes the family happier, then that’s what the family should do. One way is not better than the other, it’s just a personal choice.

I applaud working women who to me can be likened to superwomen. For a working mother, everyday at work, is take your children to work day because their kids are constantly on their minds. Working is hard work and we all know that job demands require much more than the often stated forty hours. The logistics of getting to work and back home after battling traffic alone can make people crazy, talk less of adding taking a child to and from day care to that mix. So, the working mom arrangement is not for everyone. This is definitely a case of to each his own. However, children who are with other kids while they are with care givers develop better at that stage because they develop better social and cognitive skills and are responsible and independent.

Stay at home moms who many times are thought to be having it easy are working mothers in their own way. Whatever work they do even if it’s not in an office is important work including being a soccer coach or community involvements. Women and their families should make their own choice on what works for them and it’s no one else’s business. The ultimate goal is to do what’s right for you and your family on if it’s ok to work or not. Both stay home and working moms are ok.

Kids need assistance and need to be parented appropriately for their different ages and stages. Babies often need to be breast fed. Toddlers need to be monitored and potty trained. Teenagers need to be watched and monitored, so they don’t get in trouble. Parents ultimately need to be in control of their children. Being a quality mom, whether as a working mom or not is important. However, taking the special moments and making them count and using the available time as quality time is essential.

After having a child, whatever situation you find yourself in, whatever works for you is what you should do. Don’t just sit there crying the blues about your situation by crying at your desk at work as a working mom or crying on your bed at home as a stay at home mom. Or you can have the best of both worlds. If you like being a stay at home mom but just need a few hours of work, consider working remotely from home via the internet or in your local community. Look into other resources to fulfill the life you want. Talk to people around you who are willing to pay you for your services. Do things in your community and be open to doing many things till you find the one that brings you satisfaction.

Ultimately, if you feel guilty as a working or stay at home mom, know your feelings are real and make a change because it’s never too late.