The fear of letting go also causes people to hold on to dysfunctional relationships or have Sick Attachment. Often people aren’t ready or unwilling to do something about a bad relationship. However, when people realize the situation, they can proceed to fix it. Women especially run around trying to fix relationships, but one can only control or fix oneself and one should be open to acknowledge that something is wrong or imbalanced.
Another reason people stay in bad relationships is that they get defensive when people have an accusatory tone and they don’t want to engage in dialogue when you want to tell them about their relationship. However, one should to be candid and not ignore it. When you are able to realize and admit what you have is not love but Sick Attachment, you are free to make better choices.
Sick Attachment is a terminology we can understand. It is holding on to relationships when it’s bad for you. It’s a relationship that keeps you anxious, depressed, angry, sleepless, hurt, humiliated, maims, or destroys you. Your mind and body give you indication that it’s not good for you. When you eat something bad, soon you feel bad and know it’s from the thing you ate, so it’s the same way.
A quote from the book, Is It Love Or Sick Attachment?
"Things That Happen In Bad Relationships:
So this is why people who speak of love in one breath, can speak of this awful thing which makes them feel demoralized, and/or physically and emotionally sick in the very next breath. Sick Attachment is a relationship disorder that hardly anyone wants to openly discuss despite its devastating effects. Sick Attachment must be why lovers say confusing things like their love feels so good, but hurts so bad.
They are the reason why men and women have sleepless nights, even though they are emotionally and physically exhausted. Their sleepless nights turn into days full of torment, with them endlessly worrying and trying to devise ways to hold on to a relationship that makes them feel less than human. I continued reflecting on this new revelation thinking, the Sick Attachment causes the rejected person to keep pursuing their love interest even though their affections are not reciprocated.
It is responsible for the self destructive behavior of those men and women who refuse to terminate relationships that are destroying them mentally to the point of emotional breakdown, and physically to the point of heart attack or stroke. If not dealt with properly, the Sick Attachment can evoke so much fury that someone may be willing to kill, maim, and destroy another for whom they have professed love.
These monsters will stop at nothing and may cause the misguided teenager, who believes he or she has found that individual, with whom they want to spend the rest of their lives, to take his or her own life, never understanding the devastation of those family members left behind.”
When Sick Attachments Become Deadly From the News:
A father tosses his son off a bridge as a result of a dispute with his estranged girlfriend.
A mother shoots her children in the back seat of a car/
In the court room, a man stabs his girlfriend who has a Protective Order against him.
A man holds his children and wife hostage at gun point.
A wealthy man blows himself up in a town home that is listed among the assets to be divided in a divorce.
A woman’s boyfriend rapes and kills her five year old daughter.
A husband shoots his estranged wife in the parking lot of her place of employment.
A man dismembers his wife who was in the process of leaving him.
A wife shoots her husband of twenty years.
We shy away from such stories, but daily three women and one man die in the hands of their lover. Why do people stay in bad relationships? Do they stay for love? There was a recent situation in Maryland where the mother was killed and the boy was found dead in the woods. The power of Sick Attachment is that you are connected to the person. We need to learn to stop trying to change something that’s not working into one that will and is hurting you physically and emotionally.
Q & A
Caller: I have been with my partner for six years. Sometimes he calls me out my name, gets defensive and agitated after he does things that I question him about, like him not taking his phone calls in front of me. I love him but I don’t trust him. Is this an abusive relationship? Should I be in it? I want to be treated like the queen I am. I talk to him about our problems but it goes into one ear and comes out of the other. I don’t want to leave because I have been with him for a long time and I don't want to be alone.
Host/Guest: Is it a verbally abusive relationship? It depends on you. If it feels abusive to you it is. Why are you asking the question if you should be in such a relationship? You don’t want to leave because you’ve invested so much time in the relationship. That means you value the time you put in the relationship more than your health and wellbeing. That’s not doing good for your self esteem. Has your confidence dropped? Are you not as restful as you used to be? Realize the power of making a choice. You can make a choice and then another choice. You can choose to be passive, abused or subservient or you can choose to be active, assertive and empowered.
What were your expectations of how you would be treated in a loving relationship. If you are telling him and he's not changing, maybe he doesn’t have the ability to stop what he’s doing. You are making an assumption that you will be alone forever. It’s all in your head. You could be blocking your blessings of a more fulfilling life. If you continue to say something and the person keeps doing what he’s doing, it’s clear that that’s what they want to do.
Caller: For the last caller, I want to say, you have accepted the fact that you have to be treated in a certain way. In my situation, we are not happy with each other and we’re trying to improve the situation. When I try to discuss things, the answer is always, “You are the problem,” but she won’t leave because thing are comfortable. I realize that you must be willing to step out and start all over again.
Guest/Host: If your relationship with yourself isn’t good, you’ll be open to anything people do to you. We teach people how to treat us. We need to set limits to be cared for and to be healthy.
Dysfunctional Relationships; why do people get stuck in them? This happens because they only focus on the person’s good qualities, the good times they shared, they idealize the person, they put the person on a pedestal , they feel anxious when the person’s is away, they think their partner will leave, they believe this is their only chance at love or they believe the person will change.
What happens when you get stuck in a Sick Attachment situation? Get a life coach or a counselor to help get you unstuck and out.
Source: The Audrey Chapman Show
Guest: Pam Reeves, author of Is It Love Or Sick Attachment?
Broadcast Date: 10/23/11
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