If you want to get a handle on your stress, get into this conversation...
Personality traits and behavior patterns influence the amount of stress people have. If we are able to think clearly and cohesively and are optimistic, we do better with stress. Things like optimism, tolerance, resilience, high self esteem, haughtiness, commitment , persistence, and not being bullied about situations all help us with stress.
Some traits make us more resilient. In life we are like children on a playground, so it's not will you fall? But it's about how you fall and how quickly you get up. No one is immune to stress. However, good traits help you understand how to think about things. Stress is mental. It depends on our perceptions about the situations we find ourselves in, so things like optimism, a network of reliable friends and family members to share your honest feelings with, and doing things for fun (social outlet) all play a role.
As grown ups, we don't have enough leisure to let things go mentally and we need this to live emotionally, physiologically and physically balanced lives. To know that we are stressed, the physical manifestations include sleep deprivation, neck and back problems, cardiac problems, gastro-intestinal problems, constipation, dizziness, chronic fatigue, anxiety, impulsiveness, periods of confusion, lack of concentration, feelings of extreme joy or sadness etc.
Caller: I've been married for a year in a blended family. I also have a teenage son with ADHD who is oppositional defiant and has had many problems at school. I have sister with stage 4 kidney disease, I work in a low paying job I love and I am starting a business. How do I prioritize and remain sane? We have health care insurance inconsistency due to job loss. Can I get someone to help me sort things out?
We get overwhelmed trying to deal with several things at once. The question we need to ask ourselves is, "What's the most thing to do now that's important time wise. You have a low paying job with your new business, the question I will ask is, "Is your husband supportive? He has his own stress-ors, but you must define what your role is in this. Take care of your self. Get sleep, eat well, exercise, be around positive people, set specific goals and time lines, sit down and talk about your goals, the sacrifices you will need to make, and the support that's needed need to be discussed with your family. Don't let any job go these days till you are ready to make the transition. It's better to be under employed than being unemployed. You can get help through professional support if you have insurance, if not relative, church members, a best friend who is progressive that's taking good care of her life or someone who has been with a life coach can help you.
Caller: I have a 2 and 4 year old by two different women. I have joint custody for the 2 year old, but not for the 4 year old and I'm filing papers for joint custody. I haven't seen her in 7 months. Her mother accused me of doing something sexual to her and it's stressing me. I might do something I shouldn't because of the situation.
Host/Guest: The mother may have presented that, so you don't get joint custody. Take 2 steps back and rethink your purpose for being with your children. What is it you really need and want for and with your kids? With the baby's mother, you can get caught up in the drama. Keep your eye on the prize and don't be distracted.
What's causing your stress? Is it illness, work, family, children, your job, the economy? Feeling stress isn't the worst thing that could be happening to you. This issue is all in how you manage the stress.
Caller: Stress can kill you. It has caused me to have a rare skin issue that I have been hospitalized 13 times for. I had a bad and traumatic marriage of 21 years, which I entered into young. I married the wrong person who is dealing with substance abuse problems and I just ended the marriage. It's a catch 22. It's back and forth, back and forth. I'm also a single parent between 38 and 39 years old, with a serious job, raising kids by myself, have mom issues with my mom, and it's just progressing.
I woke up one day with 10 bumps, then it became 50, then 200, then 500 bumps. I went to different doctors who didn't find anything wrong with me. They referred to me to the Center for Disease Control because nobody knows how bad it can get. I was then referred to a psychiatrist who said it's stress causing it. It's just so many things that go on and you feel so helpless, such as foreclosure, I work a highly stressful job as an emergency room nurse and there are many underlying stresses, as a child I witness my father shoot my mother four times, so I'm dealing with that trauma, but I like to help people.
Guest/Host: You have PTSD and with PTSD the brain changes. It's called plasticity. There's a different way your mind sees things from then on. You have to better understand that in yourself and how you think about things. Events and situations are inevitable, but don't be a victim over and over again.
Your immune system is affected by stress, cells are associated with the problem and cause an immune related skin disorder. Learn how to relax the physical, biologic, behavior, emotional responses that are taking over your life. Balance is very important. You have to have an outlet and balance in your life.
Helpers often have more problems and get burned out very often. You need to do what you like and look forward to doing. It won't take away from you, it will add to you. You must take spiritual, social, emotional, and physical control of your life. Things happen and fall into all of our lives. You have to have something already on going, so you can deal with other things. True relaxation is stimulating endorphins, release of hormones, your breathing slowing down, and your blood pressure going down. Stress response is automatic in the body, but relaxation is not. However, you should respond by doing things like yoga and hitachi which are good. Balance is critical for you.
Caller: I'm stressed by someone at my job. I have a coworker stalking me. I work for a government agency and when I went to court about this issue, my agency didn't want me show the cameras and they didn't support me. He was threatening me saying he was in a federal penitentiary, which I researched and found to be true, and I felt very threatened. I have tried to resign, but my agency will not release me. I put in a letter stating I am resigning due to involuntary termination because I fear for my safety. They did not accept my resignation letter. They are blocking my resignation.
Host/Guest: This is a very complex situation that's beyond our health and legal scope. Acknowledge that this is a process. Set realistic expectations and timed goals. Realize that the problem took time to develop and will take time to fix.
Source: The Audrey Chapman Show
Edited By: Susan Majek
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