I know "things" happen in relationships and people become single parents, however, what surprised and disheartened me is that this young man who many beautiful young black women would do well to have, already knew that not getting married is what he wanted. I was surprised because I didn't know that people actually actively set out to become single parents. I guess I assumed people only found themselves in such situations.
Although I was astonished by his response, I asked him why he feels that way. His response was, "Don't you see what's going on around you? It's everywhere." I replied that although I'm aware of that fact, that doesn't make it right. He also laughed as said, “I also don't want a bourgeois broad spending all my money and giving me grief.” I responded asking why she had to be a bourgeois broad spending his money and giving him grief. He had no answer to my question and just smiled.
To understand his thought process, I had to understand where he was coming from. My next question was, "Were you raised in a two parent home? His response was no. He also went on to say that his mother was a single parent; therefore any woman can also be one. When I heard that, it was clear where he got his "ideal" model from. Being raised by a single mother, he probably saw his father taking the least amount of responsibility for his fatherly duties and shoulder no husband duties, which was like getting away with murder by causing a situation and not having to be there to actively participate in the hard work required to be a full time parent and husband.
He probably viewed his mother being saddled with all the responsibilities and believes since his mother did it, so can other women. So as a man viewing the situation logically and myopically, what he said makes sense. However, viewing life's bigger picture, his thought process is not the best. I also believe that after going through being a single mother, his mother wouldn't wish the lifestyle on any other woman. Even President Obama has stated many times that his mother was a single mother and sometimes struggled to provide for him and his sister. The difference between President Obama and this guy is that the same situation occurred to both of them; however, it made President Obama a better man who desired a stable family unit that he didn't have while growing up and is committed to his family, while this guy is at the opposite end of the spectrum. I went on to tell him that although his thought process may make sense to him, it is wrong and he should really consider opening his mind up to the possibility of finding a good woman that he will be compatible with on all levels, getting married, establishing a home and having kids, preferably in that order.
The guy's attitude, brought a bigger issue to light. In the US today, there are too many single mother headed families and broken homes. Amongst black people it's now so prevalent to the point that it is becoming the rule instead of the exception. The situation is serious and affecting the quality of black people because as we all know, the home is the first place children learn. If they are not raised in a stable and loving environment, they are affected in other areas of their lives. A single parent home is not ideal to raise a child in. There are so many reasons why both a man and a woman are needed before a child is born. Children need both parents physically, mentally, socially, financially and psychologically in their lives and preferably in the home as they grow up.
I'm not sure if my words had any effect on the young man, but my aim was to sow a positive seed in him, which I achieved. Hopefully, God will send other people to water and grow the seed in him. However, they say if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I hope God got a really good laugh from the conversation I had with the guy and he will find himself married to a beautiful, intelligent, hardworking and loving woman who will make him forget his negative mindset about marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment