Trustworthiness

A faithful companion is a safe anchor.

Living A Life of No Regrets II

Where we are now? We are heading into 2012 and many people are anxious. It’s been a rough period. People have lost homes, jobs, have downsized, and are working in fields they wouldn’t have even considered. What’s the significance of 2012? The Mayan calendar has a part in this phenomenon. Every 26,000 years, there’s a wobble in time. The end of this period will be December 21st 2012. It’s being predicted that seas will rise, earthquakes will occur and we’ll have some type of Armageddon will happen. However, in my experience, I say no, that’s not what will happen. A shift will happen. We will become aware of being part of life, the world and humanity and be more ecologically cooperative instead of being competitive. That’s the shift that’s occurring.



We will live as one with the world. There’s a shift occurring that we should participate in instead of being traumatized by trying to fight it. I lived with indigenous people recently in the rain forests. The eagle is strong symbol represents and represents America. The condor is the highest flying bird and represents South America. The people have a saying that it’s when both birds fly together that there will be a positive change. 2000 years they predicted that man will create a machine that will think for him. This, of course is the computer.

However, it’s when we can tune back in to our divine intuition, go back to the thinking of the earth’s natural movements, and trying to get in touch with our higher levels of consciousness through meditating can we become our best selves and do good. For example Zappos is doing good for humanity, because for every one shoe they sell, they donate one. There’s a breakdown of the institutional powers such as government and big banks that used to run the country.


The Transformation Leadership Council came about because I was seeing lonely transformation changes all over the world, and I felt it best to effectively harness this together, to manifest their impact in the world. I invited 30 people to be part of it. Now we have 120 members from 8 countries, we meet twice a year. It’s similar to, Evolutionary Leaders www.evolutionaryleaders.net started by Deepak Chopra. However, regardless of how bad it is, we will get through this tough period.


To discouraged people out there, who even before this particular period didn’t have a positive sense of purpose, how can we help these people to believe in themselves again? What we are saying is understandable to them, but not easy. If someone believes their situation is hopeless, doomed and they say to themselves, “I’ve tried and failed.” What would you say to them? The first thing is I let people talk. I listen to their pain and hear their experiences. So hear their story and then ask them, “What do you want to do moving forward? The I say, let me teach you and give you tools to use such as goal setting, reaching out, visualization, and getting over anger. There’s a lot to learn. I do this same thing for pre-release inmates and for every person we work with, we see change.


What helps people get it? We teach them that they may have been victimized but now they have to make concerted effort to live the life they want. Event +Response = Outcome.


Life is always about choices especially at pivotal points in one’s life.. It’s about the choices we make and the actions we take. It takes time, support, and work to get things done. Join with others on the path you are on to teach and learn some new tools, but now with the internet, so much more is available to many people even if you have to go to the library to use a computer. Also, you can reach out to the groups like The Salvation Army and you can attend seminars. I just did a seminar with about 200 unemployed people in Silicon Valley.


The library is a good resource. For example, a pregnant homeless woman in Columbus Ohio would go into the Library to get warm. In order to not be chased out by the staff, she had to read a book. So she grabbed the first book on her way which was Chicken Soup for the Soul. That’s how she read a book about a little boy who was taken to get a dog. When the boy got there, he saw a puppy who had leg problems and was limping. When the boy inquired about the dog, the person selling it said, oh you don’t want that one. The boy asked, “Why? What’s wrong with it.” The seller said, “It’s damaged. Look at all these other puppies you can have.” The boy then said, that’s the dog I want.

He then rolled up his pants and showed his twisted leg with a metal brace on it and he said, “He’s going to need someone who understands him.” The woman who was reading the story had planned to commit suicide by lying down on the train tacks to be run over by a train after having her baby. Now she runs Soup Kitchens for the Soul. You can always get to resources through Youtube, and there are tons of stuff on the internet.


William Clement Stone's father died when he was 3, leaving the family impoverished because of his gambling losses. At the age of 6, Stone began hawking newspapers on Chicago's South Side, while his mother worked as a dressmaker. At 13, he owned his own newsstand. At the age of 16, he went to Detroit to help his mother in the insurance agency she had opened and later became a multi-millionaire. He said he’d rather make $1 from 1 million people than 10,000 from 100 people. Stone ran $100 into millions with a strong desire to succeed and by putting into practice the principles in the book Think and Grow Rich . He was the living example of the proverbial rags-to-riches


What do you believe in that you are you willing to take a stand for and invite others to come and join you? That’s a way to live without regret.

Living A Life Without Regrets I

How’s your relationship with yourself? If you don’t have a positive relationship with yourself, you will find it hard to deal with the unexpected and live a life with out regrets.

As people, we mush personally be effective to create the positive changes we desire in our lives. We will encounter the unexpected, but we must still be prepared enough to weather the storm and come out on top. Today we will be receiving advice on living life without regret and using successful principles, from Chicken Soup for the Soul series author, Jack Canfield Jack Canfield. His latest book that he co-wrote with William Gladstone is titled, The Golden Motorcycle Gang. You wrote the Chicken Soup for the Soul series which people are fascinated by. How do you live a life without regrets? The contents of the book helped even me. Living a life with no regret is about following your passions and having the courage to let go of what doesn’t work to move forward towards your goals. If life you must embrace your dreams, goals and aspirations. Often times you must leave what was working and encourage that which wants to be born.

If you were born in a home where you were told not to try this or that, or it was so unstable that stepping out of your comfort zone was a major issue and now as an adult you want to follow your passion and you want to let go, but its difficult, what are you supposed to do?

In Paulo Coelho’s blog, Devil Headed Tag, in which he talks about the devil having a sale where most items were cheaply priced. However, there were two things namely fear and self doubt with a price tag of $10,000 each and he asked him why those items were so expensive, and he replied, “With that I control the world.” As human beings we have fears that we aren’t good enough or competent because we lack confidence and self esteem. Self esteem is from being in a lovable environment and feeling capable to do what you desire. People from families fraught with anxiety and fear have to overcome the negative beliefs and programming installed in them as children.

No one is immune from this. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and my mother was an alcoholic, but I went to school, explored, took risks and saw that I survived, so I took more risks and was not afraid of failure. Although I’m an author, but not all of my books were successful. People must get up from where they are and make change happen in their lives by doing things like working with a coach, listening to motivational tapes, reading motivational books and getting an education in the field they are interested in.

You develop self confidence when you do something and survive. Then the next thing is less scary. When I spoke at my first event, I was scared. When I finished it, I realized that even though it may not have been the performance, but I had done it and survived. Soon I’ll be speaking at another event after Bill Cosby, I don’t know if I can measure up to him but I will speak. The more risks you take, the more confidence you develop. FEAR stands for False Experiences Appearing Real.
.
Learn using your mind to create positive images through rehearsals and visualization. We are raised to be so vested in outcomes and if we perceive outcomes to be possibly detrimental, we are stooped. Stop doing that imagine the best not the worst. For example, champions when they are training expect to win. That’s what motivates them to train so hard and many times they win. Even if not a trophy they won against their doubting belief systems. National champions expect to win that’s why they win.

We have to expect to succeed and we will. Be willing to go out and do what you want to do. However, you must also realize that not everything we do will work or work out the way we want. There’s always risk in achieving success. You must doing something that’s never been done; you must risk being rejected if you apply for opportunities. So if not you want do anything, risk taking and rejections are part of the package.
.
How do you create positive change when things appear doomed? You should visualize and believe in positive change and walk with positive people who can help and inspire you. Create a positive visual image isn’t only for visionaries, it’s for anyone who wants to get to a higher level than where they are now. Chicken Soup for the Soul has stories of people overcoming obstacles to live the life they always dreamed of or help create a positive impact in the world and many times these are one and the same.

What inspired the book, The Golden Motorcycle Gang? I was a teacher in the public school system for a while, and then I went to grad school to get a graduate degree. One of my teachers there said we should close our eyes and meditate to get us in touch with our original intention of becoming teachers. Others in the class were talking about how they were inspired by their teachers in school, however, I went back to before I was born, and floating through space, and the book stems from me and people like me, The Golden Motorcycle Gang is a metaphor similar to Hell’s Angels members that ride around on bikes and are somewhat arrogant, cocky, and have irreverent energy.
.
I saw they were having problems in the world and we choose to be born to come and help. I’m meeting people who have similar stories and know they are here for a larger purpose. The members are part of it, and I was buying these little golden bikes from China and giving it them, so that’s how the name came about and out of that we began the Transformational Leadership The website is http://goldenmotorcyclegang.com/

We live in an equitable, loving compassionate world. It’s all about living with purpose. We all must be of the mindset of loving service, and ask ourselves the question, “What is the gift you want to give or contribute to the world?” My gift occurred to me when I got a job as a counselor to kids at a camp. I love being a teacher. I went to a University in Chicago and became and educator, then I went to Jesse Jackson Church and learnt about being at the bottom and stepping up.

The real fixers of this world are everyday people like Lauren Abramson who took kids who committed crimes and had them meet the victims in intervention circles where they facilitate reconciliation, healing and understanding among victims, offenders and their supporters. The website is www.communityconferencing.org After that many of them don’t want to participate in crime anymore. At The Golden Motorcycle Gang, www.goldenmotocyclegang.com we have resources there to help people discover their passions.

No age group too young to think about the contributions they can make to the society at large. For example, Ryan Hreljac, a young 6 year old boy in Canada whose teacher told him that in Africa some people have to walk long distances to get water. He began doing chores for it and spoke to everyone he could about it and it evolved into a non-profit foundation, The Ryan’s well foundation http://www.ryanswell.ca/ that has built many wells now. So, it’s all about one’s passion and inspiration to serve humanity.

If you come from improvised circumstances, like being born poor in rural America, or as in the case of Elizabeth Murray who was born in the Bronx, to poor, and drug-addicted parents, you still don’t have an excuse. She became homeless just after she turned 15, when her mother died of AIDS, and her father moved to a homeless shelter. Life turned around when she began attending the Humanities Preparatory Academy in Chelsea, Manhattan. Though she started high school later than most students, and remained without a stable home while supporting herself and her sister, Murray graduated in only two years.
.
She was awarded a New York Times scholarship for needy students and was accepted into Harvard University, matriculating in the fall semester of 2000. She left Harvard in 2001 to care for her sick father and to start motivational speaking; she resumed her education at Columbia University to be closer to him. According to her book Breaking Night, her older sister, Lisa, graduated from Purchase College in New York State and is a school teacher for autistic children. In late 2006, her father died of AIDS. She eventually returned to Harvard in 2006 and graduated in June 2009. As of August 2009, she had begun taking graduate courses at Harvard Summer School and would like to earn a doctorate in clinical psychology to counsel people from all walks of life. She is the founder and director of Manifest Living, a company that provides a series of workshops that empower adults to create the extraordinary things in their lives.

At The Golden Motorcycle Gang, we have the Goals program where people are taught how to set goals and learn success principles. I recently taught a class in California, on learning skills and gaining success. Addicted people and people turn to crime because that’s all they are aware of and feel hopeless. If you don’t have the skills what do you do? People who feel hopeless and helpless, if they reach out through non profit organizations and churches, they’ll find help. There’s a lot of people want you to succeed but you have to reach out and find them.

Today's Quote!

Photo Credit: www.solutionfocusedpolitics.wordpress.com/tag/collaboration/

“Alone we can do so little; 

together we can do so much.”

Hollister's Overly Suggestive Shopping Bags!

Hollister, the American lifestyle brand by Abercrombie & Fitch Co.is going overboard because their shopping bags are getting more and more risqué and ridiculous. From hot studs with bare shoulders, to shirtless guys with six packs, it's always been clear that Hollister is not a demure brand. Their images are usually sexually suggestive. The reason why? Your guess is as good as mine.

 However, I believe they have gone too far this time with the image of a couple kissing splashed on their shopping bags that they are assaulting people's eyes, minds and psyches with. To make matters worse, they are not just kissing, the man is also bare chested, implying that he is naked, while the girl is "clothed" in what could be lingerie for all I know.

However, the image could also suggest that sexual intercourse may be occurring in the lower region we can't see. With the image, one would think they are advertising and promoting "kissing" or adult toys instead of the clothes they are supposed to be selling. 

But it's not surprising because just like other retailers vying for attention in America's very saturated and crowded market place, I understand Hollister's need to shout out loud with attention grabbing images. However, this image is wrong, wrong, wrong and it's just another sign of America's moral decay.

If it wasn't, some regulating government agency should have made them stop using those bags because it's not necessary to sell their products and it could have a negative impact on young impressionable kids who are constantly bombarded with such negative images.  

Would it kill Hollister to use more wholesome images on their shopping bags? I know they'll say they only cater to adults. However, I don't shop at Hollister myself and just as I was walking by and saw people carrying the bags while walking around in the mall, so did many impressionable underage kids who don't shop there. Even when vying for consumer's attention, as a company, they should exercise sound judgement and good corporate social responsibility by using more wholesome images.

Hollister should stop psychologically assaulting people with their outlandish images. They can do better and and they should be made to because the more such actions go unaddressed, before you know it, they will have stark naked people on their shopping bags and then we'll all "wonder" how they got so far. So it's best to nip such nonsense in the bud now.

A Poem by Virginia Coyle

Photo Credit: http://www.genderacrossborders.com

When all the noise is silenced,
the meetings adjourned,
the lists laid aside
and the wild iris blooms by itself
in the dark forest,
what still pulls on your soul?
In the silence between your heart beats
hides a summons.
Do you hear it?
- Virginia Coyle

Today's Quote!

Photo Credit: hongkonghustle.com

We live with the consequences of the choices we make.

Special Women's Retreat by Author of Iron Butterflies, Dr. Birute Regine

In the silence of our collective hearts, women all over the world are listening and responding to a summons, to connect to our passion, to shape our communities in ways that honor our connection to the Earth and to each other. This retreat is a call for women to gather and become a circle with a “leader in every chair.” More importantly it offers a time to pause, to reflect, to listen deeply, and connect with yourself and others in a deeper way.

Dr Birute Regine, author of “Iron Butterflies: Women Transforming Themselves and the World,” will guide you through the process of composing your stories, where you will listen to your wisdom and connect to a story you didn’t know you had. Each person will create a personal story and help others in creating theirs, developing your skills of co-creation and collaboration. You will share your story at the end of our time together… a story to take home, to live fully, for becoming the leader that you are, for being a fully authentic self.

Location: 71 Forest St. Milton Ma 02186.
Time: 8:30 am-5:00 pm on Saturday, January 7, 2012.
Fee: $150. Morning snacks and lunch are included.
Bring: A journal and your favorite art materials.
Dress Code: Comfortable clothes.
Preregistration required with full payment.
Space is limited.
Contact: Birute Regine at biruteregine@comcast.net
To reserve your space, mail checks to 411 Broadway Cambridge 02138
For more information, visit  http://www.ironbutterflies.com/

Antiques

Are you sitting on a gold mine without knowing it and thinking it is trash? If you are, you might want to rethink the stuff you have around you. First start by asking yourself the question, "What is the difference between antique and trash?" The answer is just care over time.If you take care of something, it looks good no matter how old it is.

The TV shows, Auction King and Antiques Roadshow where people bring in their antiques to see what they are worth advises us to care for and keep our things well because what you think is trash could be worth a pretty penny now or in the future.

Here are some tips on how to know what to care for, keep or buy if you see them being sold, so you can make good money on them in the future.



1.) Always focus on collectibles or series items. If it’s worth something to someone now, it will be worth something to other people in the future.


2.) Popular brand name collectible items like Coca-Cola, Pepsi Cola, and Budweiser are always good sellers.


3.) For wines, the older, the better. So if you have bottles of wine that has been in your family for years that’s a good thing to sell.


4.) Leather bound books including bibles are always good to keep or buy because they are worth a lot.

5.) Also go with your gut instinct. If you really like something, buy it and keep it, because if you like something now, chances are someone else will like it in the future.

Today's Quote!

An educated world is a better world!

Merry Christmas!!

May God bless you immensely,

Give you wisdom & peace that passeth all human understanding, Give you love, happiness, joy, good health & a sound mind.

Happy Holidays!

Todays’ Quote!

Wisdom begins with wonder

– Socrates

Natural Home Remedies

Thanks to the financially well oiled promotion and advertising machinery of the pharmaceutical companies in America, the greater part of the American society is an overmedicated society with most people popping several pills for one reason or the other.


However, this need not be so, considering that many diseases and illnesses were cured before pharmaceutical companies came into existent, many medicines have negative side effects and now some illnesses causing pathogens are so used to medicines that they are now resistant to them. So, to get of this negative pill popping treadmill, consider the following home remedies that actually do work.


Home Remedy for Sore Throat:

Gargle with a mixture of warm sage tea, lemon, lime, and salt.


Home Remedy for Urinary Tract Infection:

Cut and eat or drink the natural juice of pineapple. They work because they contain bromoline. Also, remember to wipe well, always from front to back.


Home Remedy for Middle Ear Infection:

Warm up garlic oil, suck it up with syringe like dropper, lay the person down on their side with their head on a pillow. Put some drops in their ear and leave in for 15 min. After the time is up, drain out by tilting head on to cotton wool.


Home Remedy for Mosquitoes:

Rub lemon grass on skin to avoid mosquitoes.

Todays’ Quote!

Facts by themselves are nothing…

It’s through teaching that they become something real;

Something students can grasp and use to shape themselves tomorrow.

Actress, Patricia Keaton on The Wendy Williams Show

Everybody loves Raymond alum, and current star of The Middle, Patricia Heaton who is best known as Debra Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond was on the Wendy Williams Show recently and the pretty petite powerhouse who I’ve always liked because she comes across as a nice wholesome normal person who acts, had a lot to say.

Wearing nice size 6 shoes ready for Wendy’s shoe cam, the married mother of four boys talked about her marriage of 21 years and how she and her husband hi fived each other when her husband mentioned it to her and how after that they went on about their business for the day.

She also said she’s a firm believer in counseling because talking about issues helps you work out your emotions and feelings to sort things out, so you don’t have to make wrong decisions or behave based on your feelings, which we all know are fickle, because the world can be a tough place.

She also said your home should be a haven from the world. However, she acknowledged that couples should hang in there when the kids are young, till they get in school and become independent, because kids are hard on marriages from zero to 10 years old.

However, if looks have anything to do with keeping a marriage together, she’s definitely holding her own in that department as you can see in the picture above, even though I’ve never seen her in hot roles before. A mother of four looking like that!! Although she's wearing a tasteful lingerie, I don’t think the whole world needs to see this as this should be reserved for her husband. However, she looks really good and some smart movie directors should consider putting her in hotter roles, if her husband is ok with that.

Looking at her on Wendy's couch with her new hair cut and the picture above, which she shot for a friend’s portfolio, I definitely see that the lady is hot to trot. She even said she got her lawyer who thought it was her head photo-shopped on another woman's body to go after the people who leaked the sexy picture. Why bother girlfriend? Use it to your advantage to get more roles that portray you differently.


She also said she is not a fan of Halloween because she was sent by her mother to a Halloween party on the wrong day dressed in a gypsy costume. When she got there, she was told by her friend, "Oh the party was yesterday, but here are some treats I saved for you, while being handed some nuts in a cup. She had to take a walk of shame home as cars drove by with passengers looking at her wearing her costume, which included a bandana with a gypsy earring attached and plenty of beads around her neck.


Talk about history repeating itself. Unfortunately, she did the same thing to her own son. While he was in second grade, she had her son wear a black and yellow ninja costume to school on the wrong day! Talk about major embarrassment that couldn’t be lived down for years for the young fellow. The school’s office had to call her to bring her son’s uniform for him to change into.

As Wendy said, she’s accepted being the crazy family at her son's school and keeps it moving among her son’s fellow students’ mothers, but feels she may be being judged. Referring to the super perfect mothers, Patricia said, “They can judge me all they want, as long as they know what home work needs to be done and to bring the cup cakes when I forget.” I've got news for both of you, many of those mothers you think are judging you, would love to be you, they just don't have it in them.


This is to Wendy, Patricia and all the hard working wives and mothers out there, you are working married women raising your kids, and you can only do some much. You are doing a good job as it is. So, keep doing you!

Pepco Gets Slapped With a 1 Million Dollar Fine!

After years of bad customer service, and acting like there’s no oversight for them, the power company, Pepco has been slapped with a one million dollar fine which they have said they won’t appeal and rightfully so.

Meeting and exceeding customer expectations has not always been their motto. They do things like leaving homes without power for days and even weeks during power outages especially in the dreaded winter season when many people depend on power for their heat. Most customers are so frustrated with them and their unreliable and inefficient ways.


Pepco is known for doing things when they get around to it and on top of that they are not efficient communicators who would correctly inform their customers of estimated times for their electricity and heat being restored. At115 years old, Pepco is just an old company and the company is too big, too slow, and too inefficient, but with the fine all will change and quickly too. As a matter of fact, it already has.

They now say they have put in work to enhance their service including trimming trees that affect power lines, enhanced priority feeders, renewed or replaced under ground cables, improved their website including adding the ability for customers to report outages online, and creating mobile phone apps to serve their customers. It’s unbelievable that with the many years they have had to make changes, they are just doing these things to enhance their reliability.


However, there’s a downside to this new and improved Pepco, and you guessed it, a rate is in the future if the Public Service Commission approves Pepco’s price increase request.


This is sure to anger already frustrated customers, but Pepco says this price hike is to support the investments they are making in their systems for the type of service customers expect. Pepco says they are seeing results from their investments by their systems not going out or down anymore and they are very focused delivering better service.


Pepco delivering more efficient service remains to be seen, especially this upcoming winter. Me and many customers sincerely hope they can really back up their words with their actions...

A True Love Story of A Woman In Love…

Life is precious because you never know when it's your time to go and pay the one debt we all owe.

She married the love of her life in May.

Her husband died on the 4th of July.

One night in October, she went out to dinner with friends and had a nice time. Everything seemed fine.

She died that night with her wedding picture in her arms and her wedding red dress draped over a chair.

She was buried in her wedding dress.

She was a vibrant upbeat person in her 40s who was living with her daughter at the time of death.

Her autopsy states that she died of natural causes.

But people say she died of a broken heart...

Todays’ Quote!

Find a second use for things – Up-cycle!

Today's Quote!

Gloria Feldt

Change forces you to see things with fresh eyes, to appreciate people differently, to clear the cobwebs from the mind. Tradition is comforting to be sure, but it's in the unfamiliar spaces that you grow; in the unknown territory that you get new energy and fresh thinking.

--Gloria Feldt, nationally renowned speaker, activist and author, whose passion for social justice has propelled her life’s work. Her books include, No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think About Power, Send Yourself Roses, co-authored with actress Kathleen Turner, Behind Every Choice Is a Story, and The War on Choice.

For more information, visit http://gloriafeldt.com/

Laptops: A "No No" Near Your You Know What!

You may not know this, but laptops should not be called laptops because they should not be put on laps because laps are pretty close to some of your most important assets AKA your reproductive organs.

Also, take care of these often sensitive areas by not following the trends and wearing fashionable but not healthy underwear. Wear underwear that let those areas breathe. So synthetic fibers no matter how pretty or fashionable aren’t the best. Wear natural fibers like cotton.

They should be put on tables or other available surfaces because what they emit can affect ovaries and testicles and damage it. Also, pregnant women should keep laptops away from their stomachs for the same reason.

It’s better to be safe than sorry!

A word is enough for the wise…

Ambition

Life provides limitless opportunities & possibilities…

Visible only to those with a true desire to achieve.

Steve Harvey on the Doctor Oz Show

Thrice married  and twice divorced Steve Harvey, author of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment  and Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man who says, "Failure is a wonderful teacher," was on the Dr. Oz show to give women the "scoop" on men. Below are some of what he shared with my "two cents" included of course...

Why do men cheat?

The biggest reason men cheat is because so many women are willing to cheat with them. Men just have too many options and no one or nothing to make them accountable. Another reason is because many men cheat hoping their spouse won't find out and even if they do, they will take them back.

Can a man have a happy marriage without sex?  

No. As a matter of fact, both men and women can't be happy to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. I understand that sex helps in tightening the marriage bond, but if you aren't married to the person I don't believe you should be  having sex with them.

How much time does a woman in a bad relationship  lose aging wise?

In terms of aging, a woman in a bad marriage loses twelve years of her life, while a man in bad relationship ages loses 4 years of his life. Maybe this has something to do with men aging better than women, because instead of sticking with their mess, they just find a replacement and move on physically or psychologically.

What do women do wrong in relationships?

Women relinquish their power by giving up sex too fast not knowing that it is a driving force for men. I agree on this. Women need to stop sleeping with men they are not married to. That's why there are so many single parent led homes when we all know the ideal environment to raise children in is a two parent home.

How do you make a man do what you want?

To make a man become more romantic, or do what you want him to do, remind him of what he used to do that you liked. I believe this will work with some men and not for others. If a man has moved on psychologically and is just physically present, he doesn't care what the woman thinks and won't respond to her needs but if he still loves his woman and wants to be with her, this may work.

How can you make your relationship better once you become parents?

Schedule date nights together to have time for yourself. I totally agree with this especially if you have kids and you can find a safe place or person to leave them with.

When the best time to be physically intimate?

Coupling is best in the morning. If you have the time and energy to do it before heading off to work or beginning your day, then go for it.

Does nagging help motivate men?

 If your husband is not helping with chores in the house, don't nag because he'll just tune you out. Give him an ego boost instead and also have a reward system. For example, tell him, "If you help me with the chores, I'll do this for you later...

Do men like needy women?

No man wants a needy woman. Ladies, don't be needy. Have a life and keep your friends even after you are in a serious relationship or after you get married. Most women discard all their friends when they find the "one," because they believe their husband will fulfill all their needs and soon they are woefully disappointed when he doesn't fulfill their dreams and has a life outside of them, because he unlike them has kept his friends from his single days who he hangs out with  and doesn't want to go shopping with them in the mall or do other girlie things.

What do men want from women?

What a man wants from a woman are loyalty, support and sex. I believe this generally speaking, but all men are not the same or in one phase of their lives, so men often want different things at different times of their lives. A poor or insecure man may want to marry up for money, an illegal immigrant may want his citizenship papers, a man might want kids that have certain "desirable" features, a man might want a trophy wife to boost his social standing and ego etc. The list is endless and is much more than the three he shared. 

He also corrected the following misconceptions:

The "Once a cheater, always a cheater" adage is based on the fact that people stay a certain way. While most people including anyone attempting to offer you credit believes past behavior is a predictor of future behavior, he says this is not true. He says men, including him are willing to change and stop cheating if they find the right woman. I believe this, but I also believe there are many other reasons men stop cheating including when they embrace God in their lives.

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," is a popular adage, but he says this isn't true, because a man will put his feet up and eat to his heart and stomach's content in one woman's house and go and have his other needs met at another woman's house. I totally concur!

My two cents: As much as I agree with many of his  statements, I can't respect or take a man who has been married thrice and dispensing relationship advice seriously...

Today's Quote!

Where one’s focus goes, one’s power flows.

Seasonality and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Despite the fact that we have so much technology in our daily lives Mother Nature through the seasons still reigns supreme because we are affected by the changing seasons. The cold weather makes many people eat more. The ability to resist many heavy foods diminishes during the colder months as we stuff our stomachs full to comfort us or make us warmer against the cold weather. The way we eat, sleep, and feel all change when compared to the summer months. This is caused by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). There’s something about winter that makes many people sensitive.


The colder weather and shorter days make many people feel like hibernating, eating, and putting on winter weight. For some people there’s only a minimal difference, but for others, they are affected by the season really badly. So we might be sad which may be called seasonality, but we can also have SAD, which is a full blown illness.


What can we do about it? Seasonality or SAD can affect you and how to cope is to do things that make it easier for you to get through the winter. Dr. Norman Rosenthal, author of Winter Blues; Everything You Need to Know to Beat Seasonal Affective Disordder, is today’s guest.


Do you have the winter blues or even worse? Are you slightly or seasonally affected? Or do you experience seasonality? Or do you just have plain SAD? Do you lose your creativity, your will to live, and just do all you can to just get through the day during the winter months? Can meditation or medication help? These are some questions we will answer on how the changing seasons affects us.


When you’re feeling bad during the winter months, ask yourself, “What’s causing these feelings,” and then do what you can do about it. There’s a default thought that you just have to bear your sad feelings, which is not true, because you can make changes to make yourself happy and fulfilled. Understand why you feel bad and what you can do to feel better. Don’t think you just have to bear it. Become a detective in your life to investigate what’s occurring.


Some people develop lack of energy, lethargy, lack of enthusiasm with shorter days and feel off color. Some also see that their relationships are not working, but they only focus on why the relationships are not working instead of viewing it holistically and realizing that the changing weather may also play a part in the situation, but the idea that it’s the weather causing changes in their behaviors that affect their relationships doesn’t come to most people intuitively. So, think of the season first and then you can focus on other reasons.


Relationships are not easy to change or reverse and there’s a theory in psychology to deal with what’s easier to change first. Even sophisticated people begin scour their brains for incorrect reasons for why things are going wrong with them or their relationships during the winter months instead of thinking of the seasons. The first thing is to know yourself and how external elements change you. For example, ask yourself, “Do I begin to crave and eat more unhealthy foods during this period? This can be because you have carbohydrate craving and need warmth. There’s a reason that heavy foods people would easily avoid in the summer months become their favorites in the fall and winter months.


However, we all know that it’s better to substitute protein for carbohydrates because it is better than carbohydrates in larger quantities in our system. Also, slow cooked oats are better for our systems because they have a low glycemic index, which is how quickly carbohydrates are dumped into our blood stream when we eat carbohydrates, releasing blood sugar. This is when blood glucose spikes occur and cause repeated cravings where you want more and more carbohydrates in a bad vicious cycle. Carbohydrates that are more slowly digested are better. Slow oats with a glycemic index of 45 is better than quick oats with a glycemic index of 60-70. So you can cook a pot of cooked oats on Sunday and divide in portions and eat it during the week to stay healthy. Also you should get more light.


Caller: I’ am from Jamaica where it’s always sunny. Here in the US, I have difficulty waking up and getting up in the morning and by 3 pm in the day I also hit a low during the winter months. I also have low energy levels all the time, but when I’m in Jamaica or in the summer time, I don’t have this problem.


Guest/host: Take a timer and put it on your bedside lamp and set it to half hour before you want to wake up so you can wake up to a nicely illuminated room. Dawn simulators are also good but are a bit more expensive. They turn on lights gradually like a summer morning and you wake up to that. A light box in the morning is also good or in the after noon set low for 20-30 minutes of light to carry you through the rest of the day is also a good idea. Vitamin D is also good to take because most people have low amounts of this, but it’s best to take multivitamins supplements, so you get all the vitamins you are deficient in. To cope with negative weather mood swings in the middle of the day walk in the sun to get some light and exercise.


How do you fight back against the seasonal changes that affect you? What we do or don’t do affects us. People just want to hibernate during winter months, but they should go out to be in the sun and be active because they need the light and exercise.


During the holidays there are many reasons people feel bad and it can be a depressing and energy zapping time for many people because there are other issues like PTSD, family issues, depression, anti-socializing sentiment, and death, and all this can be a very challenging. Low mood problems should be treated, so people can enjoy the holidays. High expectations of the holiday seasons can exceed the reality, which also causes depression during the holidays. This happens because we are presented with idealized images of the holidays are that don’t reflect our own lives.


In reality people have real problems, such as lack of money, un or under-employment, financial loss in the stock market, and so many other reasons, so the holidays aren’t as pleasant as the media would like us to believe, so we should scale back our expectations and focus on reaching out instead of focusing on materialism. A thorough recalibrate of one’s expectations is necessary and focusing on giving immaterial gifts can be spiritually rewarding and fulfilling. One third of the people in this country are now poorer than they used to be. Broken families, death, dysfunction, isolation, feelings of having no where to go and feeling uncomfortable is very prevalent during this season.


Some people are so depressed that even when every situation is presented to them to take them out of that funk to try to make them happy, they can’t shake it and it makes you aware of the complexity of the situation and that it is not easily resolved.


Also, focusing on the biology of the season, the Melatonin which is secreted by the pineal gland at night helps us sleep and stay on track with our lives, while melanin is the skin pigmentation found in the skin. People of color feel the winter months badly because they may be genetically predisposed to it and when the light is low, we feel it and if you grew up in a beautiful sunny climate, you feel it more.

For me coming from South Africa, when I came to NYC to do my residency after daylight saving time changed, I didn’t know what hit me, but I knew I wasn’t the same. It happened to me annually and that’s how I figured it out. Having been raised in a forever sunny summer environment has patterned many people with that expectation and makes the lack of it more intense.


Also, peoples’ attitudes change. In high density areas like NYC, people are more apt to not be on their best behavior. Places with high people density, promotes negativity. Even in other places the more southern you go, the nicer the people are.


If you ask the right questions you get the right answers. You need to ask yourself the right questions, such as, “How did I feel last year at this time.” when you review the answer, then you may see a pattern. For example, a young lady was dating a young man in the summer months and they did so many things together, but when it got to the fall months like October later in the year; she was too busy for the guy. She was always too busy for him “cleaning out her sock drawer” or doing one thing or the other.

Then he ended the relationship. She was really sad that the relationship had broken up, but she didn’t view the relationship in the right paradigm. We should look at time as a cyclical not linear thing to see our reoccurring patterns. There can be psychological reasons for relationship break ups, which are often too complex to figure out.


If this sounds like you it may be a hard subject to brooch with your loved one, you are right because it’s not easily explained to other people who don’t understand it. A man was trying to treat his winter blues by putting a light on his head while running on a treadmill and his wife said you look like a jerk, which was demeaning.

That’s what ends relationships. She should have said, “How can I help to make this easier?” She should have said I understand because this is something you need to function. Before you can be a good partner you have to realize the specifics of what your partner is dealing with and find ways to help them. That’s the kind of relationship that’s likely to work. That’s how good partnerships work like a team.


Caller: My name is William, I am former radio DJ from long island and I live in Rhode Island. This is the worst time of year for me because my mother and sister recently passed. There are so many homeless children, but some people are just putting up Christmas trees and celebrating when others are in need. There was a time when I was homeless and I tried to reach out to those who had never been homeless, but they didn’t want to hear it.

Being a blind person from birth from a family of 9 and considered the black sheep of the family because my parents could not accept the fact that I was blind was difficult. If not for my grandmother, I would have ended my life a long time ago, but I tell people, don’t feel sorry for me. I try to give advice, but people don’t want to hear what I have to say. Another thing that depressed me is that baseball season isn’t here.


Guest/Host: When I look at people’s lives, I look at what they’ve been able to do in their past and what they can do in the future. Your voice has a certain comforting quality to it and you also must have learned a lot of lessons of survival to survive your homelessness in addition to being blind and what you can do going forward is teach others those lessons.

Another thing is that loss is memorialized in the season because it brings back memories of our loved ones. Try and work on the biology of the problem by getting more light, exercising and meditating to restore your spirit, and reach out and make connections with people that will feel meaningful to you. We must get over our losses and move on in the fellowship of like minded people who nurture us. If your basic biology is so depleted, you must attend to it first and nourish it to get back up to par.


Guest: Psychiatrist, Dr. Norman Rosenthal http://www.rosenthal.com/
Host: Theresa Caldwell
Source: The Audrey Chapman Show
Broadcast date: 12/17/11

Lowe's Prove Your Commitment To Diversity!

 

TLC launched a popular reality show called "All-American Muslim" about everyday Americans, who happen to be Muslim, going about their normal daily lives including playing sports, going to school, going to work and paying their taxes.

This was too much for the anti-Muslim fear mongers at the Florida Family Association, who were outraged that the show was depicting Muslims as "ordinary folks just like you and me." An article on the organization's web site suggests that the show instead depict "one of its secular, attractive nominal Muslims as he decided to get more serious about his faith, and ended up participating in jihad activity or Islamic supremacist efforts."

A controversy was whipped up by the extremist Florida Family Association over the show and Lowe's Home Improvement decided to pull its advertising from the show. The equation in the TV business is, no advertising = no show.

Lowe's speedy capitulation to a small right-wing hate group sets a dangerous precedent and emboldens bigots. Lowe's should have ignored the Right's bigoted pleas and gone about its business. Instead it caved to a group of bigoted extremists. The company claims it is committed to diversity -- it's time to prove it. To live in peace and harmony, all Americans must value religious liberty and reject hate, and the Radical Right's anti-Muslim hysteria and bigotry.

Please sign the petition to Lowe's Chairman and CEO Robert Niblock now, urging the company to reverse course on its decision to pull its advertising from "All-American Muslim in response to a Religious Right hate group and reinstate its advertising to set a precedence in rejecting bigotry and extremism.

Today's Quote!

Celebrate Diversity!

The world would be unbelievably boring

 if we all look, think and act alike.

Today’s Quote!

Don’t sell your labor to those who will take your honor.

Girlfriends Alum, Tracee Ellis Ross On The Wendy Williams Show

The funny and beautiful Tracee Ellis Ross AKA Joan Clayton from the hit TV show Girl Friends, and current star of the new BET show, Reed Between The Lines was on the Wendy Williams show recently. Wearing ridiculously high 7 inch shoes she bought at Barneys which she called, “Wendy Shoes” that looked more like art work ready for a close up onWendy’s shoe cam, she came across as a well put together young lady.  I guess she has no choice being the daughter of Miss Diana Ross.

As usual she looked really good with her nice figure, and her lovely hair in beautiful bouncy ringlets courtesy of her stylist, Chukie “Love” Amos which was inspired by the picture of a lingerie model she saw. I never could decide who is more beautiful or whose personality I could identify more with, Joan's or Toni's, as I loved both of them in Girlfriends and think they are both gorgeous. I'm not the only one who thinks she's gorgeous, even Wendy commented on her looks and even her butt. I think Wendy was really reciprocating Tracee's complementing gestures, because Tracee started out saying how beautiful Wendy is, probably so she wouldn't be so hard on her.

She also said referring to her mother’s clothes, “I love, adore, I’m obsessed with and love everything from my mother. She said she was in College at Brown University when she called home and learned that her mother was getting rid of some clothes and made it a rule that no clothes get tossed till she approves its “tossability.” That must be nice being the same size as your mother and the only daughter that cares about clothes so much, so you can “vintage shop” in your mother’s closet. I’m so jealous!

Although she didn't share about her love life, she had quite a lot to say about the business, including the good news is that she’s a producer on the new show with Malcolm Jamal Warner, who she said is a great guy and they share a similar vision. She also said, “I’m so glad Television is showing a man like Malcolm Jamal Warner,” who she says is like a brother to her. I love women of color having power over the images of us in the media, so hearing she’s a producer, which any actress would be wise to be, is such good news. Also, this is to Malcolm Jamal Warner, please keep doing what you're doing to get women to talk so positively of you.

She also talked about the possibility of the Girlfriends movie. Unlike what many people believe that it's all about race. Movie production is really all about money. The color Hollywood loves isn't black or white. Hollywood loves "green," and if people want to see the Girlfriends movie, "the fans have got to ask for it" and when it is made, they must go out and see it to pay for it and encourage other movies like that to be made.

I would love the Girlfriends movie because I want to see how things pan out for the four brown beauties on the show including Joan getting married, Toni and Joan finding their friendship again, Toni and her husband co-parenting their child and it would be great if they could get her mother to play Joan Clayton’s mom in the movie. I doubt if that could happen because I do believe she was asked to play her mom in the TV series and she declined. As Tracee put it once, "My mama has five kids!" 

However, I won’t hold my breath on it because we can only dream for now. As you know, unlike other shows like Sex and the City that have a lot of money behind them, black TV shows wanting to transition to movies don’t automatically get green lit because they don’t have unlimited funds to tap into. However, money isn't everything and if people express a demand for it, it will be done.

So people, if you want to see the movie, let us get the conversation going about the Girlfriends movie and maybe some investors will be convinced to back it and we'll have ourselves a movie…

Featured Organization: CAST

The Coalition to Abolish Slavery & Trafficking (CAST), a not-for-profit organization, was established in 1998 in the wake of the El Monte sweatshop case where 72 Thai garment workers were kept for eight years in slavery and debt bondage. Upon their release and under the leadership of CAST’s founder Dr. Kathryn MacMahon, a group of concerned community activists realized something needed to be done to address the re-emergence of slavery in our own backyards.

Kim escaped a decade of forced prostitution from a makeshift brothel in the suburbs of Los Angeles. After spending time at the CAST shelter, her mental and physical outlook improved dramatically. Today she is speaking out on behalf of other victims.

John was trafficked to the US from Mexico, forced to work long hours in a restaurant under constant threat of physical abuse and deportation. But when the FBI liberated him, CAST provided crisis services and placed him in a partner shelter program for men. With support from CAST, John worked with the FBI to hold the traffickers accountable for their crime.

Lulu suffered years of physical and sexual abuse after being trafficked from Indonesia to Los Angeles as a domestic servant. Once liberated, it took only a month after coming to CAST for her to obtain a Work Authorization card. Today she is enrolled in a part-time nursing program and building the foundation of her life.

As many as 18,000 men, women and children are trafficked into the United States every year and even more are trafficked within our borders – suffering unspeakable violence at the hands of traffickers. Yet survivors of slavery like these bear testament to what CAST accomplishes on a daily basis. Our work is important because it empowers. So as we gather around with family and friends during the holidays, let us celebrate the New Year by continuing to create hope and the promise of new lives.

Will you help ? Your contribution will continue to help provide victims with a second chance at life and help to end modern-day slavery once and for all.

For more information, visit http://www.castla.org

Janet Jackson: The New Face of Nutrisystem

Music isn’t selling so much these days and hasn’t been for a while, so singers are expanding their job opportunities to stay financially buoyant by partnering with weight loss companies. This makes sense since the music business is also a “you must look good” business. They also do this to stay relevant and in front of people.



Some recent collaborations include Jennifer Hudson who partnered with Weight Watchers, Post-baby Mariah Carey who is now a spokesperson for Jenny Craig and now Janet Jackson has joined the band wagon. She has a new job as a spokesperson for Nutrisystem.


The collaboration with the tag line, "Janet Jackson got on it, and you can too!" is supposed to inspire her fans to lose weight, just like she did on “Nutrisystem,” since she looks like a regular woman wearing a black T-shirt and a pair of jeans on their website. However, Janet Jackson is not a regular woman. She’s a megastar who like many other women of color including me has always been battling the bulge.


Janet has been losing and gaining weight for as long as we’ve known her and I'm not too sure that many people will be buying her "Nutrisystem weight loss” plan because judging from her pictures in the tabloids, it seems she does something much more than that to get in shape before she comes out with a new record.

Either way, we love you Janet and we want you around for a long time. So, please take care of yourself and don’t do anything to lose weight that will harm your health or endanger your life...

To see Janet on Nutrisystem's website visit, www.nutrisystem.com