Have you taken the time to ask yourself this very important question? If you haven't, you should because if your relationship with yourself is not good, you won’t live a value filled life. Even the bible states, "Love your neighbor as yourself." This statement shows we need to love ourselves first before we can adequately love others.
You may ask the question, why do we need to live a value filled life? The answer is we need to live a value filled life because value is what we most need in the world today. The absence of value is the world’s biggest problem in our generation. We have lost our values and moral compass. Our problem is materialism; obsession with money, things and shopping to make us happy. We are obsessed with things instead of finding joy in our interactions with people and having love in our hearts manifested through relationships. All that glitters, which is materialism, wont’ make you happy. There’s a hole in the American soul demanding to be filled up to bring us happiness and we are trying to fill it up with things when it can't be. We are in a generation with the most materialistic mindset and debt. We have never had as much maxed out credit, housing crisis and national debt as we are experiencing now.
America has debt, so debt is a focus of the book, Renewal: A guide to the values filled life, but we need to live a life of depth, of deep contemplation, of religious belief, of faith, and of deep emotional attachment. We’re a society of people running around all the time. Some people can’t just even sit down reflect and be in touch with themselves. Even I am a restless soul. I wonder what it is I’m looking for. Part of being human is finding the answers. If we are all on a search for something, what is it and why aren’t we content?
Porn addiction is becoming a huge problem in marriages and relationships. People are getting an hour day of sexual stimulation from it. But if it’s sexual stimulation they need, why isn’t one woman enough? People are looking for a balm of fulfillment. Porn becomes like a drug for some people to get a high that doesn’t last long enough and the quantity they consume must increase each time to replicate the effect of the initial high. This is occurring now because there’s an absence of real and substantial value, which is the cause of marriage breakdowns. Value means priority. It mean’s prioritizing what’s important to you to give it your time and attention. Otherwise, you will have things that aren’t fulfilling in your life and be reduced to the “possibility of” and you have to find substitutes like instant sexual gratification that doesn’t last to find fulfillment. You’ll just keep pursuing remedies that don’t’ work.
I recently counseled a young couple who weren’t getting along. The guy said, “Why should I apologize? My apology won’t change a thing because she will find something to blow up about tomorrow.” In this situation, due to his response, it showed that we are loosing the power of the appreciation of a single good deed. That’s why he felt his single good deed of apologizing won’t do any good. The question is, what is a good deed? It is being selfless and thinking of and doing for others. Never underestimate the power of a single good deed because it has a multiplying effect. For example, if you see someone on the street begging for money, giving them one dollar can make them feel good and give them a sense of dignity instead of thinking that they are lazy, smelling, or they could have gone to a shelter.
Embracing the world with redemption sets you free. Egos get in the way of apologizing or asking for forgiveness. Redemption is taking an ordinary situation and making it special. For example, saying you are sorry after a quarrel and that you love the person diffuses the situation and heals the situation. This lets you avoid hatred and animosity. When you live for others, you change hardships into blessings. Many people don’t live with a sense of their life’s purpose and of what they as human beings or each human being has to do with another human being or humanity. However, if we embrace the fact that we’re here to be of service to human kind, we will have a sense of purpose. We are here to feed the hungry; love the lonely, clothe the naked, and find fulfillment and understanding in our lives and with other people.
We’re here on earth to be good people and to lead happier more fulfilled lives. Happiness isn’t found outside of us. It is from within and in doing good for others. Happiness from indulgence is frivolousness. Happiness is from the fulfillment of making a difference in other people’s lives and the world at large. If you feel that if you’re struck by lighting and die today, no one will notice, that won’t make you happy. But if you know that if you die today, you would have made a difference, that will make you happy. Joy isn’t happiness.
Marriage is the most basic human relationship. It is the foundation of civilized society. So why do we need marriage in the first place? It‘s important to have marriage to have children. Why is it a core value? Marriage is the lifelong act of sharing, a deep seated belief to spread love at every opportunity and it shows that life lived alone isn’t the best. Marriage is the greatest tool to learn because you learn more about yourself in the context of relationships. Most of what we cherish in life involves a struggle. Why did God make love so imperfect? How do we even notice the opposite sex when we are in love with our spouse? Why is it that even in the best marriages we still recognize that other people are special? Now, I understand why God made love imperfect. Relationships are special when you choose each other anew every single day.
Dating today is often degrading because one person is constantly trying to impress the other person. It is often undefined and governed by unwritten rules. It’s like advertising. There’s absence of commitment, and one night stands abound. People are not meeting people with an interest in their passions, hobbies or their story. They are interested in just the physical, which is dating without values.
For more on Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, visit http://www.shmuley.com/
Source: The Audrey Chapman Show
Guest: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, author of Renewal: A guide to the values filled life.
Edited by: Susan Majek
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