What Men Don’t Know About Women & Sex - Part II

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Is it better if a man is the initiator of sex?

I like to be the initiator and aggressor.  Women in the West Coast are more aggressive than in the East Coast. Women can be aggressive in a feminine kind of way.

Are more women more vaginally or clitoristically orgasmic?

Every woman is different. Most woman don’t come from intercourse because they aren’t’ vaginally orgasmic.

 There are different types of orgasms including:

The Waterfall

The Sparkler

Saturn

The book, The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime is a composition of quotes, questionnaires and information from different woman.

The G spot is just inside the vagina on the upper outer side. If you put your hand inside and up and out you will touch it. If you press it, you will feel the need to urinate. For some women it’s very sensitive and for other women it’s not. It’s not so easily stimulated by the penis. It is much easier stimulated by hand. Women fake orgasms all the time and have men believe them. The reason they do this is to end a sexual boring encounter, she wants to please her partner, she’s embarrassed and thinks something’s wrong with her. It’s very common for women to have a specific way to come. Many woman can have great sex without orgasm. Women are trained to take care of other people and are focused on their partners and not themselves. Many women take an hour with vibrators. Less than 20 percent of women enjoy orgasm during sex.

Caller: I’m a 40 year old woman and with a 35 year old man. He thought he was getting a cat not knowing he’s getting a cougar. He often says, “You’re not going to burn me out.” When I let him be dominant he’s fine, but when I don’t let him do that, he doesn’t like it.

Guest/Host: He may have low testosterone. Women’s sexuality is extremely powerful and come across as aggressive and intensely present. I know women who can go all night. How does a man deal with that? Men are used to being in charge and feel intimidated when they meet women like that.

Quote from the book: “Women, who want more sex than their partners offer them, may find themselves out on a limb.” Women, who are not in a serious relationship, take a risk, but they shouldn’t take it serious. Women don’t need to allow themselves to be responsive.”

Men aren’t the only ones with questions women have questions too.

Women are focused on doing what is right and end up being out of touch with what they need. Women need to take responsibility for what their bodies want. There’s a tendency for men to think they know how to do a good job even when it’s different for each woman. For example a woman may want her nipples touched in the beginning, but as the intercourse continues she doesn’t want it touched anymore.

Caller: As men, we are more focused on ourselves. It’s normal in a relationship for one to relax and receive and there are times when the goal is an orgasm, and this is the goal that is focused on instead of the scenery up to sex. Foreplay and afterglow take the time, when you don’t have your own place you don’t have time, and love making takes energy that needs to be used towards other things like work.

Guest/Host: Data shows that as people retire they become more sexual and sensual because the distractions like work, children, stress, commuting hasn’t robbed them of their energy. Also, people’s moral or religious backgrounds which are often different play a role in their thoughts and feelings. Know thy own self. In the church we don’t talk about it enough or discuss such things.

Caller: I like sex 24/7. Am I sexually addicted?

Guest/Host: Don’t label yourself. That’s a dangerous thing to do. Women go through phases, but if you feel you are too focused on it that it is distracting you from other things, you can allow it to manifest in different ways. It’s a way for energy to move through us.

Caller: I’m a 36 year old who has been using vibrators since I was18 years old. How do I get back to having natural orgasms? I have never had orgasms any other way.

It’s not uncommon. You don’t have to change it, but if you want to go back to the normal way, you must make a commitment to the process, and give yourself time with yourself to play around with yourself and listen to your body to see what it wants. Don’t be hard on yourself. Vibrators are wonderful things.

Why are some people comfortable in their sexuality?

It’s about the culture we are raised in, and individual comfort levels with our bodies and or intimate relationships are different. We are often raised to mistrust our bodies.

 Quote from the book: “She was repeatedly abused by her brother from the age of 6 onward and then raped by him as a teenager. She said,  "The molestation really hurt. It was really painful. I never went out. My life was just depression and numbness. They were all rape."”

A woman could have been raped in the past and will still have sex to have a connection with another person, but will have problems having orgasms. It’s extremely common for past abuse to disable a woman from being fully present.

Caller: A woman I was with had an orgasm and ejaculated and I had never experienced that before. Explain that.

Guest/Host: Women especially in their 30s and 40s ejaculate during orgasm. It’s an individual thing. So, if you are within this age range and you don’t have it, there’s nothing wrong with you. They are afraid of because they think they are urinating.

Caller: I’m in a relationship where the woman is the aggressor leaving me thinking, what’s the point?

Guest/Host: You should express yourself to her. If the person doesn’t care how what they do affects you or about your needs, it’s a good statement on where the relationship is. A relationship is about in and out of the bedroom. In a relationship people should give up little things daily and compromise to please the other person. However, something’s like this are relationship killers.

Once the resentment builds up, that’s it. There’s a lot of unresolved anger and bitterness that’s not being expressed and she shuts down. A woman’s connection to sexuality is connected to her life during the waking hours. When in relationship, don’t bury bad feelings so much where you can’t even find each other.

Caller: My husband is 6 years older. I’m in my mid 40s and he’s in his mid-50s. He prefers oral sex, and I don’t want that. How do I get to that point of liking it?

Guest/Host: Express what you need in the bedroom. Reassure him that you enjoy sex but not oral sex any way you need to express it for him to understand you.

Caller: I’ve been married most of my life. I bring her to orgasm but she’s not a giver on the other side. We tried counseling but she doesn’t like 3^rd parties in our relationship.

Guest/Host: There’s a lot going on with her. So you and her should go individually to counselors to discuss your problems. Whether she goes or not, go and get some counseling for yourself.

Source: The Audrey Chapman Show

Guest: Mikaya Heart, author of The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime.
Broadcast Date:11/05/11